Journal entry for: 12-7-1999

Hello there Everybody!

      I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was nice, a little time off to just hang out. I'm writing this in my old bedroom in Normal, which is now my dad's office. How weird. The only things left in here that were mine is a bookshelf and the ceiling fan.

      Coming back home is always such a weird time to reflect. Some things are close to the way they used to be, but not quite, and other things are so different they're unrecognizable. It makes you really wonder where you fit in, you know? Some of your old friends you instantly click with every time, others you just confirm that you're both doing fine and go your own ways.

     I always seem to get haunted by time when I least expect it. Just when I think I'm where I belong and I'm finally getting into my own, I end up somewhere where I'm reminded of other times I felt that way, and how they turned out. You know, lunch with an old girlfriend, averting my eyes when an old buddy walks by, seeing my brother be the Homecoming king his senior year. I remember when my senior year couldn't be topped. I never wanted it to end. I guess that's just the way it is down here. We're constantly saying hello and goodbye, before we're ready, before we had to time to make someone understand that we're leaving because we had to, not because we want to, before we're satisfied. We can never be satisfied here. How this makes me grateful for the hope of Heaven. No more goodbyes. No longer will simple misunderstandings taint our relationships. No more spending so much time scared of getting hurt. No more spending so little time with those who we've finally decided are worth getting hurt for. No more.

      I hope that this has sounded hopeful, because I really am. As much as it hurts to move on, I'm really excited about the future. And as much rubble as there is behind me, I'm going to keep on trying to love, keeping on trying to be the man God created me to be. And there will surely be more debris before I'm done. I feel like the Terminator sometimes, I break so many things! But those things I break are usually parts of the people who love me. And that love that they have for me is just the shadow of the love that God has for me. And no matter how much stuff I destroy to get my own way, I can never destroy Him or His love for me. How great and wonderful is our God! May He bless you all richly this holiday season.

      Thanks for reading this, I'll be sure to write again soon. And thank you all so much for your prayers and your love for us.

Grace and Peace,
Andrew